For a very long time now I have refused to show and talk about my feelings or explain myself to anyone who is not extremely close to me. Extremely close are only my husband and my best friends. Even from them I am sometimes hiding how I feel, especially when I think they might be influenced in taking a decision. Do you know why that happens? Because I truly believe that expressing your feelings has a manipulative purpose. I know with my conscious mind that is not always true. But I still have not been able to really convince myself of the fact.
I grew up with a parent figure that used feelings to get us kids to do things. Then I was in a relationship for ten years where he would use emotional blackmail and emotional manipulation on a daily basis. He would withdraw his Continue reading “Confessing into change”
I found Andrew Solomon’s Ted talk on depression by chance while listening to several other talks. I was so impressed of the depth to which this man could go in understanding what happened to him, and the clarity. He put it so beautifully. His voice so soothing. So I looked him up. He is a writer on psychology, Continue reading “There’s growth in pain”
Ah, the taste of an aching soul. The taste of your own pain, and the sweet indulgence in self-destruction. How you love to dwell into admiring your own wounds, touching them just so they would hurt and shouting at the world to leave you in peace, to stop torturing you. Deep inside you know you are your own tormentor, but this addiction is to sweet to escape. You plunge into it and hold your breath to go in as deep as possible until you feel you’re suffocating. And you are suffocating in your own delusion. Why? Just wake up.