“Is it only when you are in love with another person that you see them as they really are? And in the ordinary way when you are not in love with people, you see only a fragmented version of that being? Because when you are in love with someone you do indeed see them as a divine being and suppose that’s what they are truly. And your eyes have by you beloved been open, in which case your beloved is serving to you as a kind of guru, an initiator. […] or you could put it this way, which is another aspect of it; that by falling in love and by falling in love not just as a sort of sexual infatuation, cause it’s always more than that, isn’t it? […] But when you fall in love it’s much more serious involvement. You just cannot forget this person, you feel miserable when not in their presence, you’re always yearning: let’s see more of each other, let’s get together, we’re completely entangled. Then, you see, a kind of what I call, spiritual element has been introduced.[…] Falling in love is a thing that strikes like lightening and is therefor extremely analogous to the mystical vision.” – Alan Watts
Falling in love makes you get out of your comfort zone, explore new things, discover new worlds. When you are in love you are more open to adventure, to learn new thin
gs. You seem to be a whole different person. But are you, really?
Or is it just that when you are in love you see yourself through the eyes of the person who is in love with you, and you let yourself really be free in all your aspects because you are just as perfect and whole as they see you and as you have always felt deep inside that you are?
Less then a week ago I had my wedding in Greece. Even though we have been married since September last year, the ceremony could only take place now because we wanted it to be on the beach. I felt so in love with my husband as if I have just met him and I just couldn’t get enough of him. This feeling made me do things that I would normally not do, like getting on an ATV in the middle of the night and going off to the beach and getting stuck in the sand. We laughed, we got ourselves out of it and it became o story of us. Last year before he proposed I also fell in love with him all over again. Which made me do things out of my comfort zone. We took long walks in the park at midnight regardless of the work we had to do in the morning. He fooled me into going into his room and have sex when we were supposed to go shopping. I would spend 2 hours to get the perfect makeup and hair and dress because I was going out on a date with him. Like kids. And I remember that more then three years ago when we first met and fell in love there was nothing that I wouldn’t do no matter how out of my comfort zone it was. Everything was exciting and spontaneous and fun and I was open to try new things, open to see myself not as a stiff intellectual woman, but as a fun, outgoing, quite adventurous and bold, free and seductive woman. I could see myself through his eyes and that vision showed me a version of myself that I always new I was but never thought I could manifest.
Alan Watts put it very nicely, every time we fall in love with someone we actually fall inlove with ourselves because through the eyes of your infatuation you see yourself as whole. It is the only time you shine through all your colours, even those you thought you don’t have.
What if people would fall in love with each other every once a years? They would feel more themselves for longer.
But even better, what if through falling in love with the other one and through the love we receive we would learn to fall in love with ourselves? How cool would that be? To see yourself as a whole and divine being? No more self criticism, no more low self esteem, no more thinking you are not good enough, no more getting lost in routine and work while life passes you by. This way you wouldn’t have to always wait for someone else to bring you into living your life. You would not depend on someone else for your happiness, and your independence would be exactly the thing that would attract people into your life, making them fall in love with this free and whole person that you are. They would learn through your acceptance of yourself and they would see themselves through your eyes, learning to love themselves, trusting that this in not selfishness, but real happiness and respect toward themselves and toward the others.
Being in a relationship when you are in love not just with the other one, but with yourself as well, would make your life rich and fulfilling not through the things you gather, the career you have, the house and car that you can buy, but through living the life that makes you both happy. Not just by having a common goal and sharing a family, but by having a common happiness and enjoyment of life.
The question is, of course, how does one do all of the above? How does one fall in love with oneself? Honestly, I wouldn’t know what works for everyone, but I every so often ask myself what are the things that a new love would bring into my life, and I try to do them. I ask myself what are the things that I would do if I would fall in love with a person and I do all of them with my husband. Trust me, it gives you a total different state of mind. I ask myself what kind of woman would I want to be in the eyes of someone I’ve just met and I like. What does this woman like, what does she do, what does she dream of, what makes her laugh and cry, what does she believe in, and what does she fight against. This way I can see myself through the eyes of another, but as I want to be and it is easier for me to be all those things.
Think about, imagine you are in love and that the person you just fell for is you. Who are you when you are in love with yourself?