As whole as we can

Djuna Barnes said: “A man is whole only when he takes into account his shadow” and C. G. Jung said: “I’d rather be whole then good.” He is also the one to talk about the shadow, a term Jung introduced in psychology to designate the unconscious aspect of the personality, “the thing a person has no wish to be”. To put it plain and simple, while we might hate things like being greedy, lazy, aggressive, seductive, manipulating, toad-eating etc, we are most likely to have those very things lurking around inside of us, but we keep them very well guarded and don’t allow them to manifest. Or so we think.
For a very long time I loathed manipulation and thought I did my best to avoid doing it. I hated lies and thought of myself to be one of the most honest people I know. I played the role of the savior for victims and thought I hated the aggressor. These are just a few of the things that come to my mind regarding how I saw myself and the image I had about myself. Then I went into therapy, and in the past 2 years and a half I have discovered what Jung would call the shadow. Further more, I have discovered I cannot be whole, I can not be really myself until I come to recognize and accept all these things as a part of myself. Yes I do lie sometimes and I do cut corners; yes, I do manipulate – less now that I am conscious of doing it – and yes I am just as bad as the aggressor when I jump to the rescue of a victim, because I place her in a position of inferiority, acting as if I know better for her, therefor annulling the person that is the victim.
You know the pink elephant in the room? Well, it’s there whether we like it or not. As long as we are going to ignore it is only going to make our existance hard. Because there si a tension in the room, and people feel it and can actually see the pink elephant though we might think they can’t. We have to lie to hide it, we have to pretend, we have to compromise, we have to put in a lot of effort and energy to make it seem as if the damn thing doesn’t exist. It’s the same with all the things we think are wrong with us and we keep them hidden sometimes even from ourselves.
Why not just come out of the closet? Why not just allow us to see ourselves as we are with faults and qualities? And allow us to not be good and honest all the time, to not be politically correct all the time, to sometimes be selfish? Because accepting all those things about ourselves and letting them into the light of being, will make the pressure subside and suddenly not only that all those things will not be as big, and ugly, and powerful as they were when you were struggling to hide them, but they will not eat up your energy anymore. What I have come to learn is that people will accept us with all our faults and qualities as long as we accept ourself just as we are. They will see everything as a part of who we are, like your freckles, the scar on your arm or the fact that you squeeze your eyes when you laugh.
We all want to be the best we can. Why not also be as whole as we can? One can never know when those things that we consider to be our faults might come in handy to do some good or solve a problem 😉


Author: Lady B

I am a free person, in love with life, and enjoying it at its most. I'm still on the road of self discovery, of self creating, and I think it is a never ending journey. We are too complex and constantly changing. Sunt un om liber care iubește viața și se bucură de ea. Sunt încă pe drumul descoperirii de sine, a construirii de sine și cred că este un drum care nu se termină niciodată. Suntem prea complecși și în permanentă schimbare.

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